The Fangs Are Not the Problem

“[S]ammy’s owner was sleeping in a bed with the monkey when he accidentally rolled over onto it.”

I–no, you didn’t–really–sleep with…SHUDDER. Creepy white-eyelidded monkey pix at site. A vid too, but I couldn’t look.

http://www.wavy.com/dpp/news/local_news/pet-monkey-attacks-owner-in-bed

(Apologies for the non-clickable link. WP hates me lately.)

Monkeys are dangerous because they’re strong, smart, nimble, fanggid, disease-ridden non-domestic animals with thumbs. Insisting that more research and the removal of some of this animal’s teeth would have magically made it happy to live in someone’s house makes you the opposite of an animal welfare advocate, Ms. Jeter. No animal should have to sacrifice teeth to live in your home, and no person should ever let his guard down around a monkey. Even defanged, they will mess you up. (See the Pet Monkeys link if you dare.)

I’ll probably dream about this tonight and wake up kicking my cat. )-:

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About Snarkurchin

I snark.
This entry was posted in Ambush Monkeys, IRL Ambush, Scary!, Worst primate evar?. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to The Fangs Are Not the Problem

  1. Wayne Waters says:

    Hey there T. Laurel Sulfate ~
    At first I thought this was a work of short fiction you’d authored… as I understand you are a writer. Btw — if I ever find myself borrowing your self-minted coinage: ‘Snarkurchin’ — I’ll owe you a nickle!

    I agree; monkey’s are dangerous! The bigger they are, the more dangerous they are. Their way the muscles are strung on their arms & legs gives them vastly superior leverage.

    TRUE STORY: I lectured on the very subject of superior muscle strength based upon the hinging points of where muscles attach to the the arm & leg bones, to justify WHY Star Trek’s ‘Spock’ was much stronger than puny humans, such as Capt. Kirk! While one may be tempted to dismiss this anecdotal story as merely the geeky ramblings of an obsessive Trekkie, one be well advised to consider WHOM I was lecturing to…

    T’was the very team of credited screenplay writers who did what is now referred to as “The Star Trek Reboot” produced by J.J. Abrams! I refer, of course, to noted screenwriters Alex Kurtzman & Robert Orci. They are also known for doing Zorro, The Transformers Trilogy (While I also helped them with these projects, via advice, ,I don’t much care…), TV’s ‘Fringe’ (very limited advice from me); Hawaii 5-0; and the soon to be released Sci-Fi “Cowboys & Aliens” (which I ALSO advised on).

    To keep it short — I hereby claim to have written ALL the scenes where the primary characters meet for the first time, right off the top of my head, inside of what I like to call a two-hour, casual, conversational consult. Professor Pompous, Over & Out!

  2. I only wish it were fictional. Monkeys terrify me. Compare Spock to a monkey again and you’ll ruin the franchise for me.

    And you no can haz Snarkurchin. Is special adopted person nick.

    But thanks for reading. (-:

  3. Wayne Waters says:

    Elsewhere, in a thread on Facebook — I went on a Comic RANT about Spock’s eyebrows having a LIFE of their own. A disembodies pair of pointy eyebrows, flying about in space in unison, kicking ass and taking names. I’d like to pit them against Chuck Norris’ disembodies BEARD.

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