Florida Ambush Monkeys, Part One

I remember hearing there was a colony of rhesus monkeys in Florida descended from some that escaped from a Tarzan movie set. I always hoped this was urban legend. The Tarzan part, maybe; the monkey part, no. Now I can never visit Florida–in fact, I can never be far enough away from Silver Springs, Florida–again.

Or Lakeland, Florida. Imagine discovering your “lovely hometown, distinguished by the largest single site of Frank Lloyd Wright buildings in the world,” has been invaded by what are “probably the fastest primates on earth.” There are TWO monkey colonies in Florida, both unwittingly constructed under the silly-ass notion that monkeys can’t swim. If they can’t swim, they are smart enough to bite a person, wait for the person to die of some horrible communicable disease–perhaps simian foamy virus, perhaps simian immunodeficiency virus–hollow out the corpse, snap out a couple of ribs, and row away.

Warning: this story of Florida’s alien fanged plague-bearing shrieking terror contains a monkey photo.

About Snarkurchin

I snark.
This entry was posted in Ambush Monkeys, IRL Ambush, Scary!. Bookmark the permalink.

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